awful white boys of Neptune — Transcripts — Veronica Mars Investigations

JOY: Has anyone ever puked on you in a romantic setting?
HZ: No.
JOY: Good. Hey, that's good.
HZ: Have they puked on you in a romantic setting?
JOY: Hell, no, I don't think so.
HZ: Don't think I've been puked on. A friend of mine at school puked in a jigsaw box at my house. That was unfortunate.
JOY: Ugh.
HZ: And two different friends puked in my mother's wellington boots.
JOY: What? On different occasions?
HZ: Yes.
JOY: Or like one per boot, at different times?
HZ: Different times.
JOY: Why? Why there?
HZ: I don't think you can really accurately find out from someone that is drunk enough to puke into a boot.
JOY: OK. Was the second person aware that the first person had done it at an earlier point? Was it a copycat puking? Or no?
HZ: I don't think, again, if you're in a state where you're going to puke in a boot, that you have the presence of mind to think, "Oh, I'll make it a callback."
JOY: OK, OK, OK. You might be surprised, Helen, what people are capable of.

Season 2, transcriptVMI Pod11 August 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, Troy Vandegraff, Aaron Ashmore, Hannah Griffith, Jessy Schram, Daran Norris, Cliff McCormack, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Danny Boyd, Taylor Sheridan, Mrs Murphy, Linda Castro, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, Arrested Development, Hearst College, Madison Sinclair, Amanda Noret, Zach McNees, Felix’s murder, Felix Toombs, rape, sex crime, Torrance High School, vomit, puke, sick, Roman numerals, Dean, Drew, Chip, jerks, awful white boys of Neptune, Sugar Jones, sex workers, sex, sexpeople, cake, Ozzy Osbourne, boarding school, Woody Goodman, essay contest, blowing shit up, Shark Field, explosives, detonation, Fitzpatricks

VMI 1.12: Clash of the Tritons transcript

HZ: Veronica's playing with the stapler, partly as a sign of rudeness and partly so she can swap it with a spy stapler! Is there an office supplies catalogue has identical models of the most common stationary items but with cameras in?

JOY: And had Veronica noted what kind of stapler she had before? Like on a previous trip to Miss James’s office?

HZ: I admire the research.

JOY: The important questions of our times.

HZ: And also does it function as a real stapler?

JOY: Oh, great question.

HZ: I suppose it must, because otherwise it would arouse suspicion.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod5 November 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, secret society, secret societies, Triton, Tritons, rich white boy bullshit, wankers, secrets, pledges, hazing, karaoke, myths, Clash of the Titans, Harry Hamlin, Aaron Echolls, Lisa Rinna, Lynn Echolls, suicide, abuse, Miss James, Rebecca James, grief, therapy, staplers, counselling, spy equipment, spy office supplies, spy stationery, Rick, Tim, ID cards, fake ID, felonies, Detective Wallace, Singing Duncan, conch, conch shells, mental health, Burning Man, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Piers Gaveston, drinking societies, clubs, Oxford, David Cameron, Piggate, Blondie, One Way Or Another, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Black Mirror, Cliff!, Cliff McCormack, lockers, spycams, bugs, awful white boys of Neptune, Ansel Adams

VMI 1.08: Like A Virgin transcript

HZ: Keith comes in buttoning his cuffs. And he hears Veronica saying:

VERONICA: Seriously, you should talk to him.
KEITH: Am I giving you the birds and the bees again, Wallace?

HZ: Spectacular!

JOY: Give him the birds and bees, Keith!

HZ: Oh, wouldn't you love the birds and bees talk from Keith?

JOY: If I had to get it from somebody.

HZ: It'd scare you into never fucking a bee.

JOY: Or a bird.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod8 October 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Tina Majorino, Alona Tal, Meg Manning, Mac, purity test, douchebags, gross bros, toxic masculinity, toxic Neptune, awful white boys of Neptune, Cabaret, sex shaming, Power Keith, Keith Mars Power Dad, eviction, goofballs, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, Abel Koontz, death row, the Kimmy one, the Pam one, Renny the IT guy, reverse cowgirl, Dick Casablancas, Duncan Kane, Buffonica

VMI 1.05: You Think You Know Somebody transcript

HZ: They leave the diner. It's still dark. They're still bantering about girls and - oh shit. Where's the car? Where's the car?
JOY: Where is the car? The car is gone as hell.
HZ: But what is amazing about this is that Logan says:

LOGAN: Well maybe it's like Brigadoon. If you come back in a hundred years, it'll be right back in this spot.

HZ: When did Logan watch the 1954 film or 1947 Broadway musical Brigadoon, about a Scottish village that only appears for one day every hundred years and the plot makes absolutely no sense at all? This seems like a deep cut.
JOY: That's what Brigadoon is about?
HZ: That's what Brigadoon is about. I would explain more but it's just too complicated. So yeah, where did Logan get that reference? Do you think you watched it with his grandma?
JOY: This is a mystery. This is yet another mystery of the show.
HZ: And of Logan.
JOY: It doesn't really line up with his deal.
HZ: He contains multitudes.