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VMI 3.050607 President Infidelity of Vice and Men transcript

HZ: What did you think about Loganica's couple Halloween costume, Jenny?
JOY: I didn't know what the fuck it was until I was just reading your notes, and now I see that they are the White Stripes for Halloween.
HZ: Yes. I'm not sure I would have noticed had I not been told, because I thought, "Is he doing Shaggy from Scooby Doo?"
JOY: Right. Like, what is that wig? The wig is not quite right.
HZ: The wigs are never right, Jenny.
JOY: The wigs are never right.
HZ: Even though she's got a whole wardrobe of wigs for her various sting operations. She makes more effort dressing up to do a sting than she does for this Halloween.
JOY: It's true. And has anybody told them that the whole thing with the White Stripes is, like, are they brother and sister or are they a couple?
HZ: Oh, that's some season one shit.
JOY: Exactly.
HZ: Get Duncan back in here!

transcript, Season 3VMI Pod8 December 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, Lo Dodds, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, college, Hearst College, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 3, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Professor Landry, Patrick Fabian, Tim Foyle, Lucky in a wig, James Jordan, Piz, Stosh Piznarski, Chris Lowell, Parker Lee, Julie Gonzalo, Max, Adam Rose, Harmony Chase, Laura San Giacomo, Vinnie Van Lowe, Ken Marino, Deputy Sacks, Jerry Sacks, Brandon Hillock, Coach Tom Barry, Matt McKenzie, Mercer Hayes, Ryan Devlin, Cyrus O’Dell, Ed Begley Jr, Mindy O’Dell, Jaime Ray Newman, Chastity Dotson, Nish Sweeney, Claire Nordhouse, Krista Kalmus, Moe Flater, Andrew McClain, Mason, Robert Ri'chard, Dianna Agron, Jenny Budosh, Professor David Winkler, Michael B Silver, Daran Norris, Cliff McCormack, Richard Grieco, Steven Batando, Jeff Ratner, David Magidoff, Taylor Sheridan, Danny Boyd, Fitzpatricks, Liam Fitzpatrick, Rodney Rowland, Detective Sanchez, Ruben C Gonzalez, Meryl, Amanda Walsh, Sully, Michael Grant Terry, LAPD, Harrison, Blake Shields, Danny Rossow, Ryan Pinkston, Rachel Rogers, Scarlett, Sandra McCoy, Tina Callis, Anna Campbell, mechanical engineering, Keith’s romances, The White Stripes, costumes, Halloween, the Dreaded Feminists, radio, bowling, River Styx, Chekhov’s things, casino, gambling, Loganica, Duncvonia, cheating, tests, exams, Twentynine Palms, 29 Palms, actors, short film, pranks, sabotage, cooking spray, accents, voicework, rape, robbery, theft, Lilly Kane, necklace, cocktails, fire, Mexico, bone marrow transplant, bone marrow, Porsche, cars, elaborate ruses, extortion, alibis, campus rapist, head shaving, GHB, drugs, physics, lasers, henleys, Samuel Horshack, Rafe, Hearst Prison Experiment, prison experiment, Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon, The Big Lebowski, lighting, the robot, sexpeople, accidental porn dialogue, sandwich puppets, Weevil’s toolbox

VMI 3.020304 My Big Fat Wichita Linebacker Don't Surf transcript

JOY: I love that Piz's radio show, his first episode, is just like... Pretty much the only thing he says is, "Oh, they've got a good point, actually." And that's it. Who let this man? Who let this man? Trish. Trish did.
HZ: Yeah, well, because Trish was distracted by being dumped for her terrible plot. But the one good thing Piz does, I think - because he's an annoying, self-absorbed pest in this episode; having been reasonably endearing when introduced, in this he just seems entitled - in the debate, he says:

PIZ: Alright, let's flip a coin to see who goes first. And it's the head of a white slave-owning patriarchy, which means we will go with the gents.

JOY: "The head of a white slave-owning patriarch," maybe should have gone to the ladies?
HZ: Yeah. For reparations.
JOY: Mmm.

Season 3, transcriptVMI Pod24 November 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, college, Hearst College, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 3, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Piz, Stosh Piznarski, Chris Lowell, Parker Lee, Julie Gonzalo, Mac, Cindy Mackenzie, Tina Majorino, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Chastity Dotson, Nish Sweeney, Chip Diller, David Tom, Tanya Chisholm, Nancy Cooper, Fern Delgado, Cher Ferreyra, Mercer Hayes, Ryan Devlin, Cyrus O’Dell, Ed Begley Jr, Claire Nordhouse, Krista Kalmus, Moe Flater, Andrew McClain, Cormac Fitzpatrick, Jason Beghe, Liam Fitzpatrick, Rodney Rowland, Fitzpatricks, Dan Castellaneta, Ryder Strong, Rafe, Armie Hammer, Laura San Giacomo, Harmony Chase, Matt Czuchry, Ryan Eggold, Charlie Stone, Norman Phipps, Trish, Lindsey McKeon, Sam Horrigan, Brian Pop Popovich, Rachelle Lefevre, Marjorie, Keri Lynn Pratt, Hallie Piatt, Robyn Richards, Shania, Samm Levine, Samuel Horshack, Karen, Mary Chris Wall, Kendall Casablancas, secret siblings, ethics, experiments, psychology, Stanford Prison Experiment, sportsball, playbook, popcorn, library, Loganica, theft, feminists, Lampoon, Vanity Fair, journalists, paparazzi, surfing, poker, gambling, Wishbone, sororities, fraternities, weed, drugs, Gone With the Wind, Scarlett O’Hara, Fluevogs, Pi Sigs, Theta Betas, Lilith House, a capella, singing, Lance Armstrong, drunk, fake drunk, Chippendales, Shelly Pomroy’s party, rat traps, Edgar Allen Poe, radio, Hearst Lampoon, student newspaper, newspaper, paper, desert, animal traps, traps, Vinnie Van Lowe, bugged pens, paintings, art, Vincent Van Gogh, Two Lovers, Keith’s romances, ties, surveillance, trackers, tracking, Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell, finances, Aaron’s Kids, Aaron’s Kidz, money, Gilmore Girls, Logan Huntzberger, shield law, carwash, journalism, streaking

VMI 3.01 Welcome Wagon transcript

JOY: Veronica and Logan have just had some very sweaty sex. Very sweaty. So sweaty. Everyone's moist.
HZ: But she's a sexperson now. Of course, she has to ruin it.

VERONICA: Woof! You should seriously consider going pro in that.

JOY: Why, Veronica? Just savour the moment.
HZ: She can't. She has to ruin moments.
JOY: At least she doesn't say a Clint Eastwood quote right now, in bed.
HZ: Do you think she said one just before?
JOY: Before we got there? Yeah, totally.

Season 3, transcriptVMI Pod17 November 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, college, Hearst College, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 3, university, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Piz, Stosh Piznarski, Chris Lowell, Parker Lee, Julie Gonzalo, Mac, Cindy Mackenzie, Tina Majorino, Professor Landry, Hank Landry, Patrick Fabian, Tim Foyle, James Jordan, Vinnie Van Lowe, Ken Marino, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Moe Flater, Andrew McClain, Fitzpatricks, Cormac Fitzpatrick, Jason Beghe, Donald Fagin, Josh Harto, Deputy Sacks, Brandon Hillock, Dee Dee, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brigadoon, argyle, rape, campus rapist, murder, death, theft, bands, music, The Unwashed, criminology, murder mystery, Take Back the Night, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel, windows, lighting, Clint Eastwood, Cassidy Casablancas, Greg Louganis, Hardy Boys, NYC, New York City, guns, guitars, Gretsch, Beaverton, Oregon, Portland, Battlestar Galactica, swearing, tasing, tasters, balaclavas, ski masks, hacky sack, fighting, fights, punching, costumes, clothes, sexpeople, Irish coffee, booze, alcohol, drunk, USD, UCSD, San Diego, dorms

VMI 2.13 Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough transcript

HZ: Jackie's shivering. It's so cold, this is so wrong. And then fucking Madison is there missing the balls, so she just goes over to the lever and she's like, "I told you to stay home," and dunks Jackie with the lever, which is so horrible. And the teacher who wouldn't let Wallace misthrow balls is just like, "Yeah, whatever, sure." And Veronica has a face of concern. But does she do anything? No.
JOY: You know, Helen, in my elementary school, we had a summer festival thing where our principal was in the dunk tank, and I, some way or another, won the privilege of being the first person to get to throw balls to try to dunk my principal, and I missed all three times. And then I did what Madison did, but in a fun way. But watching Madison do this really made me call into question my fifth grade mentality.
HZ: Isn't the point there that the hierarchy is temporarily suspended or subverted?
JOY: Yes.
HZ: Whereas this, it's someone in a superior position in pretty much every way in society being a real shit to someone else.
JOY: Thank you for making me feel better, Helen.
HZ: Yeah.
JOY: About me, not about this episode.

Season 2, transcriptVMI Pod15 July 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, bus crash, Tessa Thompson, Jackie Cook, Terrence Cook, Jeffrey Sams, Detective Weevil, Detective Logan, Felix’s murder, Felix Toombs, PCHers, Thumper, James Molina, Hector, Patrick Wolff, Jane, Valorie Curry, Miss Dumas, Hannah Griffith, Jessy Schram, Tom Griffith, Rick Peters, Cora, Dana Davis, Ms Hauser, Kari Coleman, JB, Cassidy Casablancas, Kyle Gallner, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Tina Majorino, Mac, Cindy Mackenzie, Corny, Jonathan Chesner, Madison Sinclair, Amanda Noret, Van Clemmons, Duane Daniels, Principal Clemmons, baseball, sportsball, sports, match throwing, gambling, debt, incorporation, carnival, winter carnival, money, theft, sports fans, ejoke-ulate, glitter, Tritons, Kane Scholarship, Magic Mountain, Six Flags, Chekhov’s things, Chekhov’s glitter, hair, haircuts, Ophelia, Weevil’s niece, Thora Birch, Ghost World, cash, banknotes, ball pit, cash box, dunk tank, dude, fluffy snake, video, streakers, slushies, sex workers, flagpole, denouement, shoes, pranks, Sally, cars, Chevy, Impala

VMI 2.10 One Angry Veronica transcript

JOY: Here's the thing: why make an episode of television made mostly out of the worst thing that can happen to you, as a citizen of the United States?

Season 2, transcriptVMI Pod16 June 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Deputy Leo, Leo D’Amato, Max Greenfield, Lilly Kane, sex tapes, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Deputy Sacks, Brandon Hillock, law enforcement, Thumper, James Molina, Meg Manning, Alona Tal, babies, pregnancy, megnant, murder, first degree murder, death, Woody Goodman, Steve Guttenberg, Mannings, Meg’s baby, Duncan’s baby, Meg and Duncan’s baby, Faith Manning, Lilly Manning, baby Lilly, Switched at Birth, jury service, jury duty, jurors, juries, court, lawyers, judges, judicial systems, bailiff, witness bias, Lloyd Blankenship, Steve Rankin, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Inga, Christmas, Xmas, festive, Scrubs, Michael Hyatt, Ned Flanders, 12 Angry Men, Twelve Angry Men, Bozoville, shirtlessness, O-Town, theft, evidence, evidence tampering, Robert Curtis Brown, Ivonne Coll, Robert Maschio, Paris Hilton, celebrity sex tapes, tabloids, Hearst College, Chekhov’s dude, dude, degausser, degaussing, Cornish game hens, wine, food, dinner

VMI 2.03 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang transcript

HZ: I have two other reasons that I think account for Veronica's hostility. One is: I think she senses that Jackie is a sexperson. She has already said in the previous episode that she hasn't dated a high school guy since eighth grade. She makes reference to actors she's been out with. She's a sexperson. But I think the true reason she dislikes Jackie is because Jackie also wears tiny jackets.
JOY: Tiny jacket competition. They have to have a tiny jacket-off.
HZ: Who's got the tiniest jacket? And also, Jackie's name is so close to ‘jacket’.
JOY: Wow. Yes. Also really regretting saying 'tiny jacket-off'.

transcript, Season 2VMI Pod6 April 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 2, bus crash, Curly Moran, Kendall Casablancas, Charisma Carpenter, Cassidy Casablancas, Kyle Gallner, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Duncvonica, Richard Casablancas, David Starzyk, Tessa Thompson, Jackie Cook, Sheriff Lamb, Don Lamb, Michael Muhney, Mr Pope, Michael Kostroff, Nathan Woods, Cress Williams, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, Chicago, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, novels, literature, period drama, Colin Firth, Mr Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet, hotel jazz, jazz, karaoke, Courtney Taylor-Taylor, crimes against music, songs, Love Hurts, prenups, infidelity, sex, sexpeople, gym, long lens, surveillance, scams, property, property scams, illegal, helicopters, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Future Business Leaders of America, REITs, finances, shares, punching, fighting, boats, milk, milkshakes, milky drinks, Aaron Echolls, Echolls home, stunts, stuntman, police badge, Neptune Onlyplace, Java The Hut, Twin Peaks, Dandy Warhols, Lars, William Burroughs, Mystic Pizza, Sandpiper, hotels, fraud, theft, teapots, FBLA

VMI 1.22 Leave It To Beaver transcript

HZ: Veronica's not avoiding Logan today.
JOY: No, even though she's supposed to be I think steering clear from him she can't resist going in for a little no-costume undercover work pretending to still be into it so that she can see what he has to say for himself.
HZ: Yeah, right. We know that she's shitting him, for some reason.
JOY: I'm sorry - "shitting him"?
HZ: Yeah, do you not say that in America?
JOY: Oh, like like she's like lying to them or playing him or something? Like "you gotta be shitting me."
HZ: Right. Exactly. She's shittting him. But he doesn't know he's being shat.
JOY: See, this really starts to fall apart once you start conjugating.
HZ: Does it? You knew what I meant! He is beshat.

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod4 February 2020Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, PCHers, Jake Kane, Kyle Secor, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Celeste Kane, Lisa Thornhill, Don Lamb, Sheriff Lamb, Aaron Echolls, Harry Hamlin, murder, tapes, secrets, secret tapes, sex tapes, fire, arson, fridges, Backup, car crash, fighting, fights, Keith Mars to the rescue, Alicia Fennel, Erica Gimpel, Lianne Mars, Corinne Bohrer, rewards, theft, cheques, checks, Hrishikesh Hirway, Song Exploder, The West Wing Weekly, Steve Rankin, Lloyd Blankenship, Cheyenne, sex workers, Abel Koontz, newspapers, Dick Casablancas, Ryan Hansen, Cassidy Casablancas, Kyle Gallner, Beaver, DNA tests, DNA results, paternity tests, onions, chopping onions, music, food, nice Chianti, parents, family, families, parenting, disguises, servers, cater waiters, Republicans, parties, another grim dinner at the Kane house, alcoholism, Cliff, Cliff McCormack, Daran Norris, voices, Cliff's voice, lawsuits, suing, Kane fortune, print media, props, eavesdropping, eavesdroppers, appearing behind things, CSS, toilet office, breakups, breaking up, Keithlicia, jackets, set dressing, waterproof Santa, Garfield, lighting, Leave It To Beaver, alibis, red herrings, Garbage, Bad Boyfriend, shit, linguistics, gay for Weevil, Leo D'Amato, Barry Randall, soul patch, facial hair, Deputy Sacks, the one phone call, hiding places, Marses in disguise, crab puffs, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Arnie, doors, traumacoaster, Spice Girls, Wannabe, video, sex hut, curtains, LeBaron, Veronica's car, Joan of Arc, walkie talkies, plastic horse, killing, goofs, stunt doubles, Blankenship, Lil Kim

VMI 1.16 Betty and Veronica transcript

HZ: In Wallace's locker, there's a gift - an offering!

JOY: A spirit box! Do you guys have spirit boxes in the UK?

HZ: Of course not, sports players are privileged enough.

JOY: Do you guys have spirit of any kind in the UK?

HZ: We have spirits, as in the booze kind.

JOY: Ah yes, now that's a box I'd like to receive in my locker.

HZ: It’d probably get you into trouble, Jenny. This box is is green with yellow frills and it's got a big green frog in it and “Go Wallace, we love you, you rock” somewhere involved. And in it there's a load of snickerdoodles. Which is not a cookie we have in Britain either. Is it worth bothering with?

JOY: I mean, I love a snickerdoodle - I'm an equal opportunity employer of cookies.

HZ: That's very thoughtful.

Season 1, transcriptVMI Pod9 December 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, season 1, Neptune High, Leo D’Amato, Deputy Leo, Max Greenfield, Meg Manning, Alona Tal, Duncan Kane, Teddy Dunn, Jake Kane, Kyle Secor, Celeste Kane, Lisa Thornhill, Lianne Mars, Corinne Bohrer, Clarence Wiedman, Christopher B Duncan, parrots, mascots, goats, animals, theft, Pan High, sports, basketball, betting, bets, bookies, cookies, pep, snickerdoodles, rehab, Riverdale, Vice Principal Clemmons, Skee-Lo, I Wish, Sally Field, gambling, jocks, pranks, meat, rest stop 15, Editor Duncan, making love, Jack, goat in a van, van, Amelia DeLongpre

VMI 1.14 Mars vs Mars transcript

HZ: I don't like this episode very much, Jenny.

JOY: Man, agree - hard agree. This is difficult, but unfortunately I guess we have to talk about it anyway.

transcript, Season 1VMI Pod27 November 2019Veronica Mars, Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Keith Mars, Logan Echolls, Jason Dohring, Wallace Fennel, Percy Daggs III, Lilly Kane, Amanda Seyfried, Weevil Navarro, Francis Capra, Neptune, California, Jenny Owen Youngs, Helen Zaltzman, VMI, television, TV, recap, review, drama, teen, teenage, school, high school, mystery, detective, PI, private detectives, Marshmallows, cases, crime, law, legal, season 1, Neptune High, Adam Scott, Leighton Meester, Carrie Bishop, Susan Knight, Mr Rooks, teachers, Sting, The Police, Don't Stand So Close To Me, songs, singing, pregnancy, statutory rape, sex crime, lyrics, rhyming, rhymes, feminine rhymes, masculine rhymes, Lolita, Nabokov, Mars vs Mars, Gossip Girl, Duncan Kane, doctors, theft, medical records, Abel Koontz, kitten heels, mental health, Cliff!, Cliff McCormack, Deputy Leo, Leo D'Amato, lasagne, Rolling Stones, vinyl, MUN, mock United Nations, Model United Nations, text messages, Sweet Knees, sex offender registry, Max Greenfield